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Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it through the day.
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When I was younger, I was beat by my older sister. She's in college now, but she still threatens to do it again.. its been years... My friends got worried, but I blamed it on clumziness... sometimes it got too noticable though... like a bruise under my eye..
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When he hit me, it was my fault. If I just let him do it, he'd love me. When he used me for sex, it was my fault. If I kept sleeping with him, he'd eventually love me. When I got pregnant, it was my fault. Maybe that would make him love me. When I miscarried, it was his fault. I always knew he didn't really love me, I just liked to pretend. I hated lying to everyone, I hated hiding the brusies, I had someone who loved me, yet I couldn't wait [I'm such a stupid bitch] and so I gave myself over to the beast... He ruined my life. No. I ruined my life.
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About a month ago, I fliped a coin. Tails was antidepressants, heads was suicide by benadryl overdose.
I am still here.
I am still here.
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I am still in love with my ex boy-friend. But I have a child with my current boy-friend. And I am in love with my bestfriend, who is a girl.
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Everybody tells me that I'm smart, and beautiful, and confident and have the world at the palm of my hand. Nobody realizes that I have nothing but doubt in myself, and that no matter what they say, I truly believe I won't ever live up to my 'potential.'
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